On A Mission from God
by Edgar J. Steele
November 14, 2003
"You see, we're on a mission from God."
--- Elwood, played by Dan Ackroyd in "The Blues Brothers"
I received an odd phone call late last night. The fellow on the other end said he was God.
"The God?" I asked.
Knowing that I had signed on to the national "Do Not Call" list, I figured this was somebody's attempt to make an end run and pitch life insurance...or maybe burial plots. But I played along.
"Sorry I haven't been to church in a while."
"That's ok," came the reply. "I never go myself. Too much sin for my taste. And hypocrisy...oh, don't get me going."
There was a long, uncomfortable pause as I considered all those people going to church every Sunday. If only they knew.
"Edgar, I have a mission for you."
Here it comes, I thought. "Ok, I'll bite - what do you want?"
"I need you to spread the word."
"The Word of God? You want me to spread the Word of God?" Maybe this is some new sort of evangelical Ponzi scheme, I thought. "You mean like Dial-a-Prayer? What's in it for you?"
"It's not what you're thinking," He said. "I want you to tell America the truth."
An image of Moses flitted through my mind, coming down off the mountain, carrying stone tablets. But it wasn't Charlton Heston. It was me. In my bathrobe and flipflops. I do my best work in my bathrobe and flipflops.
"No, that's already been done," He said. "The Ten Commandments were okay for their time. That was then. This is now."
Now, how do you suppose he knew that, I wondered.
"Because I'm God, you ninny."
That was when I began to believe. That it really was Him....God, that is.
"Finally," he said.
"Well, it was probably more obvious when you appeared as a burning bush."
"Yes, but I appear all the time and nobody ever recognizes me. Lightning, thunder, hurricanes, eclipses, rainbows, flowers, a child's laugh - but you've got scientific explanations for everything now. And I work miracles every day, almost everywhere. Nobody notices.
"And nobody listens. Not anymore. Too much noise. Especially from all those guys who call themselves Reverend and claim to speak for me. But they don't. Not a one of them."
"But," I spluttered, "what about religion? Which is the one true religion?"
"None of them. In fact, they all get in the way of my message. That's why I call up guys like you in the middle of the night. Guys whose minds haven't gotten too cluttered."
I wasn't sure I liked that, but decided to take it in the best way possible...considering the source.
"Tell them George is confused. In fact, tell them that all their leaders are confused. And some of them actually are evil. John Ashcroft, for example."
"That's it? That's my mission? To announce that George W. is confused?" He's not the only one, I thought.
"There's more," He said. "Tell them that the American government has gone insane and that its economy now is designed to support just a privileged few."
"But everybody already knows all that," I answered.
"If they did, they would rise up and smite their leaders."
Smite them. That clinched it for me. Nobody talks like that.
"I still do," God said. "Explain how George spent their surplus and bankrupted the Treasury. Tell them that dollars now simply are printed with nothing behind them and that their savings and pensions are about to disappear.
"And that I gave them their rights. Government had nothing to do with it. Not the Constitution. Me. And nobody, especially government, can take them away. Life. Liberty. Freedom. Family. That sort of thing.
"Tell them their freedom extends as far as it can reach without limiting somebody else's freedom. Remind them of the Golden Rule.
"Tell them to put Christ back into Christmas and get government out of their spirituality. In fact, tell them that their government is totally out of control - but, then, insanity will do that to you. Tell them it is time. They'll know what I mean.
"And tell them that children are gifts that I give to them alone, not as handlers for the government.
"Explain how real tolerance means accepting those possessing opinions with which they disagree. And real diversity requires that everybody be tolerated, even if they want to be left alone...especially if they want to be left alone, be different or live and work with just their own kind.
"What about the Middle East - Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Iran?"
"What part of 'thou shalt not kill' do you not understand, Edgar?"
"And Israel - and the jews - are they really Chosen, like they say?"
"Why would I choose anybody to kill in my name, as they claim?"
"What about abortion?" I asked. "Do you have a message about abortion?"
"What part of 'thou shalt not kill' do you still not understand, Edgar? Tell them to really work on tolerating one another. Love is too big a stretch for them just now.
"Oh - and one last thing: Tell them that the point of life is just to live. It doesn't matter who you are, what you do or how much or how little you have. Everybody is equal in my eyes. All life is valid. Consider your life a work of art that you build a day at a time. Make me proud. Hell doesn't exist, so there is no serious down side...unless you consider it a negative to spend eternity regretting what you did or didn't do during the brief time you were on Earth.
"Well, that's about it," He said. "Be sure to tell them you're on a mission for me." The line went dead.
Consider yourself told.
New America. An idea whose time has come.